I think we as humans have forgotten how to process our feelings before screaming them into the void that is the internet. We don't let them sit in our minds. We speak before we think. Journals are a thing of the past. We type away on our computers and phones, taking the broken-hearted energy we've built up so the moment we see something we don't like, we scream at the stranger on the internet, who is only ever going to chalk us up as a hater or troll. 

We don't let ourselves feel all the things we need to anymore. As children, we scream and cry when we've had enough. As adults, we bottle up every hurt, storing it in the jar of our hearts. Every word, every action, we let it add up in the jar like money for swears. 

We don't let ourselves cry or scream into our pillows anymore. We just keep going until the moment someone online sparks the match to the brush built up around us. 

Then all we are is fire and smoke, embers and flame. Burning, Burning, Burning until all that's left is ruin and ash, a disaster. We don't feel better, but at least our misery has company, right?

We don't tear others down to build ourselves up. We tear others down to not be alone in our misery. 

If we knew how to feel, how to think, how to breathe, we'd start less fights, wage less wars. 

There's always going to be injustice. 
There's always going to be something wrong in this world. But hate will never solve the problem. 

Words are powerful and there is a human being facing the screen. A person who feels. A person who will store up every word spoken to them online. A person who will go away broken, battered, bruised, and take their turn yelling until the fire has spread and devastation is all that's left. 

Love is the firebreak

Love is the water

Love doesn't spread as loudly or as confidently as hate. Love is a quiet emotion, shown more in action than in words, making it hard to notice sometimes. 

Love doesn't announce itself or demand recourse. 

Love exists to heal the parts of our ever-broken hearts and make them a little less... well, broken. 

It can be hard to love in a world of darkness and mayhem and pain. But love is the key to which we seek. 

I saw a reel on Instagram the other day about post wip depression and I've realized that it's affecting me deeply after finishing book three. I finished book three on October 30th. And it was exciting and amazing... but it also hurts. 

those characters have been with me since I was in my younger teens. they've helped raise me. and as I take on a November writing challenge with a goal to write every day... I'm struggling. I did not add words to my wip today. I had no excuse, either. I literally sat in front of my computer for almost two hours total, doing other things when I could've been writing. and part of me is beating myself up for it. but part of me... hurts. I miss my beloved characters. and while I know I still have to edit the book like crazy and take time to perfect everything about it before it's published, the big part is over. the drafting is over. their stories have a definitive beginning and end now. 

and my heart hurts from that. 

and while I know I'm not ruling out spin-off books or short stories or other things, it's hard to really jump into a new wip, even one I'm excited to work on. because there's this lingering sadness from leaving behind a world I have been in for many years. 

And so I wrote this post for anyone feeling that way as they jump into NaNo or whatever project they may have. it's okay to miss what you used to have. it's okay to miss the characters that helped you grow. it's okay to miss something you've grown used to and is now suddenly gone.

you'll find more worlds to get lost in. and no one is stopping you from going back to visit if you need to. it's okay to need time to process between wips. take that time to let the healing begin. 

take care of yourself, friend. I know there's so much pressure in November to write a novel, but you don't have to put that pressure on yourself if you're not ready yet. it's okay to take time to yourself to process everything and say goodbye to the stories that raised you. 

and remember, new worlds will always be here waiting when you're ready to enter them. 

keep rising, friend. <3

//my demons

//dark on me

//bringing it down

//last to fall

//unbecoming

//back to the earth

//echo

//solstice

//telekinetic