something I struggled with in the majority of 2021 was taking my writing seriously. I let imposter syndrome fill my head up with doubts and insecurities about my writing. I hyperfocused on how my Instagram stopped growing and has not gotten above 435 followers. (and before you say "it's not about the follow count" I have a post coming up soon on why, as an author or a business owner, follower count does matter and why you shouldn't be shamed or shame others for that. so keep an eye out for that.) 

I stopped believing in myself. It didn't matter that people told me they loved my books.

it didn't matter that my critique partner and best friend would read through some older manuscripts of new stories and tell me how much she loved them.

it didn't matter that I sold a lot of preorders for my second book. 

it didn't matter. 

none of it mattered. 

I stopped believing in myself and my writing. 

I stopped taking my writing seriously.

In 2021, I had nothing to show for my writing. I had a book published in September that I drafted originally for NaNoWriMo 2019. That book was a labor of a few years of work. Even though it was published in 2021, it was mostly done by the beginning of the year. 

I didn't value my writing or my dedication to it. 

Some days, I thought about quitting after I got my third book out. Because a promise I made to myself going into indie publishing is I would never leave my readers hanging. I would finish what I started. 

A couple days into this year of 2022, I made a choice. 

If I want writing to be career...

If I want my books to sell, to be known, to be loved by readers all around...

If I want to be able to make money doing the things I love to do...

I'm going to have to write. and I'm going to have to do it even on the days I'm not loving it. 

I'm not saying I'm going to write every day. I'm not even saying I'm going to have a set routine because honestly, with my work schedule, and my life schedule, I can't have a super-specific time of the day to sit down for hours and write. 

But I can carve out enough time on some days to chip away at my book. 

I can write instead of watching a twenty-minute youtube video. 

I can write in the five to ten minutes I'm cooling down from working out. 

I can write thirty minutes before I go to bed. 

I can write in the middle of the day. 

I can and should write. 

This is what I want to do with my life. And I wasn't taking it seriously because I felt like no one else was. And guess what? they probably weren't.

Because if I couldn't take my writing seriously... why should they? what trust or hope can they put in me if I'm just brushing aside my writing? 

Writing Book Three has been a challenge. It's a challenge because last books in a series or trilogy are full of pressure. They either suck, or they soar. And obviously, I want mine to soar. 

But I let my doubt and fears prevent me from even writing it or working on it too much. 

If you don't write the book, it is going to suck because it's not going to exist in the first place. 

So my challenge to you is this: if you want writing to be your career, be it part-time or full-time, if you want people to value what you have to offer this world, if you want people to take your craft seriously... you have to be the first person to do that. It can't be someone else. it's you in this journey, not them. 

and the fear of bad reviews or people hating what you have to offer is hard. but it's also inevitable because no book is for everybody. 

so go out there and write. 

take your book seriously.

and take care of yourself.

drink some water and get some food and get off the fricking YouTube videos. Go create your future as a best-selling author. 

<3

 2021.

did your mental health crumble?

did you feel burned out into ashes?

don't stop moving. 

take a deep breath

in

out

did you feel that?

that was air passing through your nose and swirling into your lungs.

that was oxygen settling in to keep you alive.

that was carbon dioxide leaving your body, leaving your lungs clean and healthy. 

maybe you still feel like everything is falling apart. 

I understand. and I want to help you.

sometimes the best medicine is driving to work and screaming a song at the top of your lungs.

it's making that playlist full of angsty songs that you can scream and cry to.

it's writing that poetry or prose or book or journal entry that makes you feel better even if it's not the best-written piece.

it's taking a walk and noticing five to ten things that hold beauty. 

it's drinking hot chocolate in the winter and lemonade in the summer or being a rebel and doing that in reverse. 

it's exercising even though you hate it because somehow, it makes you feel less bitter, less angry. 

it's letting go of the people that hurt you and are toxic.

it's learning how to be okay on your own.

it's letting yourself cry at night, even though you feel weak and tired because you're finally releasing it. 

it's climbing and reaching and falling and trying again.

we are human

we are broken

but we are resilient

we put the pieces back together again

and we do it all again and again and again because we know we can reach the top

so don't give up

listen to that song that makes you want to scream it at the top of your lungs

make that playlist full of songs to scream to, cry to, laugh to, dance to.

you don't have too many playlists.

there are never enough playlists. 

write that book

that poem

that paper

that journal

do the things you thought you could never do

and grow

grow little flower

because you're onto big things. 

<3